The Stages of Change: Understanding Your Change Process
Change is a process, not an event. Whether it’s adjusting your eating habits, improving your relationships, or making a career shift, understanding how you approach change can help you navigate it more effectively.
The Stages of Change model outlines six phases we move through when making a transformation:
The Six Stages of Change
Pre-Contemplation: “I don’t see a problem, so I’m not thinking about change.”
At this stage, there’s little to no awareness of a need for change. You might not see any negative consequences of your behavior or may feel resistant to the idea of change altogether.
Contemplation: “I know I need to make a change, but I’m not ready yet.”
You’re beginning to recognize that something isn’t working, but you’re not fully committed to taking action. You might feel ambivalent, weighing the pros and cons.
Preparation: “I’m getting ready to make a change.”
At this stage, you’re actively planning for change—researching, making lists, setting goals, or mentally preparing yourself.
Action: “I’m taking steps to change.”
You’re implementing the change, whether that’s altering habits, starting a new routine, or making a significant shift in behavior.
Maintenance: “I’m sustaining the change over time.”
You continue practicing the change, building consistency, and integrating it into your life.
Relapse: “I’ve reverted to old patterns.”
Setbacks are a normal part of the process. Relapse can feel discouraging, but it’s an opportunity to learn and re-enter the cycle with new awareness.
Example: Changing Eating Habits
Pre-Contemplation: You don’t think there’s anything wrong with your eating habits.
Contemplation: You realize that your diet affects your health, but you’re not ready to change.
Preparation: You research healthy recipes and create a grocery list with more fruits, vegetables, and protein.
Action: You start cooking and eating healthier meals.
Maintenance: You continue buying and preparing nutritious foods as part of your routine.
Relapse: You go on vacation, eat differently, and find yourself slipping back into old habits. When you return, you rely more on takeout and revert to pre-contemplation.
Your Personal Change Style
Each of us has a natural preference for certain stages of change. Some people spend a long time in the preparation phase, carefully planning before they take action. Others skip preparation altogether and dive right into action, figuring things out as they go. Some find comfort in maintenance, thriving in routine, while others struggle with maintaining consistency and crave novelty.
How Understanding the Stages of Change Helps You Grow
By recognizing which stages of change you feel most comfortable in—and which ones you tend to resist—you can better understand the challenges you face when making changes in your life.
Ask yourself:
Which stage of change do I feel most at home in?
Which stage do I tend to avoid?
How has my change process affected my ability to make long-term shifts?
Change isn’t always a straight path—it’s a cycle. The key is to move through it with awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to adapt.
Applying the Stages of Change in Relationships
Differences in how people approach change can create tension in relationships, especially when partners have different timelines or comfort levels with each stage.
For example, imagine a couple deciding whether to move to a new city for a job opportunity.
One partner enjoys the preparation stage and wants to research neighborhoods, budget for moving expenses, and consider all the possible pros and cons before making a decision.
The other partner is more comfortable in the action stage and feels frustrated by too much planning, preferring to make a decision quickly and figure things out along the way.
Without recognizing these differences, they might feel like they’re pulling in opposite directions—one feeling rushed, the other feeling like they’re stuck overthinking. But when they acknowledge their natural tendencies, they can adjust their approach:
The planner can slow down on gathering endless information and recognize when it's time to move forward.
The action-oriented partner can practice patience and give space for necessary preparation before jumping in.
This dynamic often comes up with major life decisions like marriage or having kids. The preparation-oriented person may want to discuss future plans long before taking any actual steps, while the action-oriented person may not feel ready to engage in the conversation until they are prepared to act. This can leave one partner feeling ignored or dismissed and the other feeling pressured to commit before they’re ready.
Understanding these differences can reduce frustration and help both partners communicate more effectively. Instead of interpreting their partner’s reluctance to discuss future plans as disinterest, they can recognize it as a difference in approach. Similarly, the action-oriented partner can acknowledge that discussing the future doesn’t mean making an immediate commitment—it can be part of the process of moving forward together.